did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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