They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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