I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
