it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize