I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
