She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
