Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
