I think im going to throw up on grandma
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
