I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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