Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
