oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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