I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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