walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
