I cockslap morals
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
