I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
