I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
