Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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