I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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