he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
