Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
