Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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