my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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