Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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