Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
