just tell him i said nine months
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
