I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
