I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
