hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
