So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
id be glad to
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
