So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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