I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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