We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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