I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize