Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
