And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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