YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize