how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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