i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
