my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
