I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
