the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
