You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
