I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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