i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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