i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
