My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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