Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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