Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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