i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
