Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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