then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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