just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
