Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
