happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
