Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
