My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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