I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
