I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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