If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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