I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
