Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
