i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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