I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
