i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
