brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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