Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
